Completely unofficial. Entirely unserious. All in good fun.
Picking dog food is serious business - but let’s be honest, it also says a little something about you. Your choices in kibble, meat percentages, and grain-free formulas may just reflect your personality more than you think.
So here it is: our very biased, totally satirical (but lowkey accurate) guide to what your dog’s food says about you.
🥩 Orijen
You are adventure personified.
If there's a mountain trail or a gravel road, you're already halfway up it - probably in trail runners and a windbreaker that folds into itself. You own more reusable water bottles than actual glassware, and your idea of “relaxing” involves a sunrise cycle and a protein-packed breakfast. You’re the guy who reads labels, filters water even when camping, and carries biodegradable poop bags like a badge of honour. Your dog doesn't walk - they summit.
🥗 Acana
You're the mindful eater turned mindful feeder.
You buy things that say “cold-pressed” and “omega-rich” even if you’re not entirely sure what that means - but you know it’s good. You’ve sent screenshots of ingredients to your vet "just to check,” and you might be feeding your dog better than yourself. You're also the person who recommends supplements to friends over brunch, and you’re 100% that friend who knows the difference between probiotics and prebiotics. Clean, conscious, considered. That’s you.
🏕️ Taste of the Wild
You're the nature-lover who calls your dog your “adventure buddy.”
You’re a “less is more” kind of human - not because it’s trendy, but because it just makes sense. You like things simple, natural, and as close to their original form as possible. You believe dogs are descendants of wolves and should eat like it - hearty, instinctive, and packed with red meat. You’re probably into barefoot hikes, wild camping, or at least know where your nearest spring water source is. You're not here for frills - you’re here for what’s real. And yes, you’ve definitely used the word “primal” before (unironically).
💎 Diamond Naturals
You are quietly winning at life.
You’re the designated adult in most situations - the one with snacks in the glovebox, a dog towel in the boot, and a fully charged power bank at all times. You run a tight (but loving) ship, and your group chats are organised by emoji. Your idea of a splurge? Matching raincoats for the kids and the dog. You’re not here for chaos - you’re here for comfort, consistency, and keeping the whole crew fed, happy, and vaguely on schedule. And yes, you’ve definitely said “I’ll check with everyone” out loud this week.
🔬 Hill’s
You’re all about the science.
You read the pamphlets at the vet. You’ve said, “I just trust the research” in an argument - and you probably won it. Whether it’s your dog’s food or your own skincare routine, you believe in formulas, and consistency. You’re methodical and probably a little Type A. Also - you love a good Facebook scroll with your tea. You’re the quiet observer who sees everything, saves useful posts, and reads all the comments.
📚 Royal Canin
You're the planner.
Your spreadsheets have spreadsheets. You meal prep. You budget. You colour-code. You know your dog’s breed history, average weight range, and likely genetic conditions - and you're already ahead of them. You believe in doing things “properly,” and you’re usually the first to RSVP and the last to leave (after cleaning up). You read reviews, follow instructions, and you love a loyalty program. Your friends describe you as “put together” - and they’re not wrong.
🇿🇦 Montego
You’re proudly local and deeply practical.
You believe in supporting South African brands, but you also want the best for your dogs - and your budget. You’re that friend who brings koesisters to a meeting and still shows up early. You believe in community, in buying from your local pet store, and in giving back when you can. You don’t need bells and whistles - you need fair pricing, and food that gets the tail going.
🧺 Ultra Pet
You are the dependable one.
The kind of person who has an emergency first-aid kit in the car and a Plan B in their calendar. You don’t overthink your choices - but you do research them. You trust brands that deliver on their promises. You’ve probably had the same vet for years and still go to the same dog park every Sunday. You’re not about trends. You’re about trust, reliability, and that satisfying feeling of ticking something off your to-do list.
🌊 Omega
You’re laid-back, easygoing, and incredibly likeable.
You believe dogs are meant to be dogs - muddy, sandy, and happy. You love a good sunset walk, enjoy the small things, and can’t remember the last time you were in a rush. You’re not worried about brand names or prestige - you’re here for good vibes, good value, and a happy tail at dinner time. People describe you as “low maintenance,” but we all know that’s a skill.
🚙 Eukanuba
You are driven - literally and figuratively.
You believe in performance, endurance, and a good pair of running shoes. Whether it’s your gym routine, your morning run, or your dog's energy levels, you like things that go the distance. You probably have strong opinions on shoe brands, drink electrolytes on hot days, and have accidentally turned a dog walk into a 5K. You don’t just feed for fuel - you feed for function.
Not Quite You?
It’s all good - we’re just having a bit of fun. If we missed your food brand or got your personality wrong, no stress. You’re more than your dog’s dinner. (But also... maybe check your label just for fun.)
Disclaimer: All opinions in this post are completely made up and meant purely for entertainment. 🐾💛
